The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives, especially for women. To relate to and understand where people are coming from in terms of communication requires a transaction of words. A common mistake people make is to assume without sharing information.
I want to share my experience practicing communication in our recent eight-week accountability group at .Contriber School.
It started with silence — passive-aggressive silence. I was afraid to share my feelings, my point of view, and my perceptions about certain situations. The fear is rooted in my FLOP. Fear of being rejected or seeming like I wanted too much attention or was feeling too many emotions. I discovered a wound from my childhood related to my mother using the silent treatment. This is a pattern I find myself using today as a form of punishment toward those closest to me. To me, silence signals that there is a problem. So, when my husband — who is naturally more silent and inwardly than I am — is quiet, I feel compelled to start finding solutions to the problem I THINK we have.
The next step for me was to begin sharing how I felt. Since my fear of being too much often holds me back, it took effort to articulate my feelings and emotions while hoping not to die. Once I started communicating, I felt better. I realized I was still alive and much more connected to myself and the people around me. I was not rejected but, for the most part, understood by others. The universe started to support me by filling my needs.
By acknowledging my feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and sharing them with others, I began practicing what I call “sharing my picture.” This means sharing my perspective on situations that could potentially lead to conflict. After sharing my viewpoint, I became interested in listening to the perspectives of others, which led to many “aha!” moments. More often than not, my perception widened. My awareness expanded. One person’s picture added value to another's. The connection and understanding deepened.
I naturally entered the next stage of my journey — shifting my focus to the inner world and communication between my feelings and thoughts, which prompted me to take actions that uplift me. It’s beautiful how I started with silence and ended with silence — two very different experiences.
So why do we need to communicate? Rein explained it clearly and simply at our latest team meeting.
We need to communicate for two reasons:
1. To gain clarity for ourselves so we can take the next steps and act.
2. To explain to others how we function, so they can take it into account when interacting and cooperating with us.
With love and awareness,
Mariann
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